Helping Children to Communicate in a Postive Manner

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    Actions That Can Inhibit Communication For Your Child

     

    1. Interrupting

     

    2. Telling your own story

     

    3. Giving unasked for advice

     

    4. Intruding into a conversation that you are not a part of

     

    5. Walking away from a conversation

     

    6. Playing/ fidgeting; not making eye contact

     

     

    There are several things that will shut down communication. Help  your child to avoid these pitfalls:

    blaming,   name calling and criticism,

    the words “always” and “never”.

    When teaching “I” messages, it is important to keep the goal of better and more open communication in mind.  Help your child learn to request specific behavior from the listener in a careful way, otherwise it can backfire and shut down communication.  When you teach your child to use these messages regularly within a culture where they are feeling valued, it can be a very effective way to handle conflict peacefully.

    Examples-Instead of “You are so selfish”

    Help your child say- “I feel frustrated when you don’t share with me because I think that it means you don’t like me enough. Please let me play that game for ten minutes.”

    Instead of  “You are so mean.”

    “I feel upset when you don’t play with me because I think you don’t want to be friends with me. Can we please come up with a time to play together?”

     

    Listening that Avoids Conflict

     

    1.             Focus on the speaker

     

    2.            Ask for more information

     

    3.            Paraphrase what you hear

     

    The Kid’s Guide to Working Out Conflicts: Naomi Drew        

     

    Nonviolent Communication  - Marshall Rosenburg

     

    Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success  Duke, Nowicki & Martin